Jack and The Beanstalk Tall and Short Stories

The Downing Street webchats are a great place for funky cats to live - in webchats everyone is so very feline talkative ! The webcats spend their days, chatting about tax for cats … and how woollen ear warmers are the best hats for Cool cats on Wintery days ! The webcats run up and down the webchats all day long. Sometimes you can find a webcat asleep on the computer, looking for all the answers to everything though often they are wrong !). A webchat is a great place for a webcat to live, for webcats left with nothing else left to give … can spend their days happily purring, more than they actually economically live.

But this is a romantic story (rather furry and somewhat purry !), of Webchat webcats in Downing Street - it’s extra - ordinairy ! The greatest chat - up line ever said, all about how one day, Felix the Feline, proposed to Mo the Moggy in the flowerbed, then they both got wed ! When he put a golden ring on her claws ! Felix purred, “I Love you ! I do”, licking his paws (then slipped and fell down into one of the cabinet drawers !). When the vicar asked, “Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been ?”, the webcats replied they’d been looking in webchats for something fit for a Queen ! All the webcats got on enormously well, chatting about expensive presents, as chatterboxes do, champagne and what was on the menu, too. The preparations began around June, for a Webcat Wedding day to remember in December, under the light of the Moon. Finally, when the big day was soon to arrive, the cats counted how many of their nine lives they still had left alive.

To ensure all the cats lived happily ever after … there was music, a parade and a whole lot of catty laughter. A beautiful day for the feline lovers at the Church of The Holy Cushion Covers was anticipated (and all night, the webcats celebrated) … The Wedding celebrations were absolutely great - the webcats screeched songs all night ’till late and ate fishcakes from a plate ! Soon, the webcats were all enjoying a Wedding saucer of milk, lounging in the webchats, wearing bows of silk. It was the best (political !) party, that had ever been … the webcats danced with their furry tails so much, they polished he ballroom completely clean ! A few of the older webcats gathered around the chimney pot - drinking cream sherry and laughing about ol’ times rather a lot. Even the chimney shook a bit and all around the webchats, with fairy lights were lit. The crazy cats rocked the roof … and broke it a bit ! Felix and Mo the webcats danced to a song or two. All around the webchats, symbols crashed and trumpets blew. The bells on the webcats’ collars rang strong as they wed. “Hallelujah ! Hallelujah !”, all the mice said, before the two new spouses chased the mouses and headed off to a wedding night cushion bed. Rather than get stuck in a rut, the stray cat web cats went on a stray cat strut ! They slickly danced past Midnight, until Felix the Feline’s glass slipper got lost … then the two webcats sped off in a pumpkin … saying, the RSVP was in the post ! As the webcats’ whiskers twitched all night, the webcats soon got quite a fright. As he went to turn off the light, Felix the Feline pounced from quite a height. So, it wasn’t long before Felix the Feline got ditched ! (probably, because a few of the rooftiles became unhitched.

Wow ! There’s another webcat scurrying past - the coolest webcat in all of London, (though everyone said that micey affairs don’t last !). Each of the webcats had nine lives … so they spent ages, dancing the webchat, webcat jives ! Mice don’t live in the webchats at all (chased off by the webcats once and for all !).

One day, in the Justice Secretary’s webchat, a pen disappeared … in a puff of smoke, the webcats finally awoke, and a genie miraculously appeared. “Follow that rat !”, cried the webcat- zooming over the webchat mat. The Constabulary cat chased in hot pursuit, then John Prescott almost put his foot on the mut, with his size nine boot, trying to get the door shut ! Although they tried hard to find the rat who’d stolen it … the thief completely got away ! I hear, that the webcats in the webchats, are still looking for him today. They placed a saucer of milk for the cats on the filing cabinet - all to keep the webcats out of mishief, I bet ! (though they still haven’t retrieved the stolen pen, yet !). It seemed the pen, like webcats with nine lives sometimes do, evaporated into fresh air. Soon, there was a moggie everywhere - the next time the webcat leapt, fur flew everywhere ! All they wanted was a quiet webchat life … not to be chased away by razor sharp canines yielding a carving knife. A big, ‘orrible doggie chased the thief away. Luckily, since the weather was foggy, the dog couldn’t find the stray. In the lamplight, the fur on his furry tail stuck so straight upright, everyone thought a ghost had caught the moggie, along the streets, late on the party night. One webcat had so many fleas, even his whiskers wobbled, when he sneezed on the cheese. The fleas tickled John Reid’s webcat’s tail, so much that his fur started to itch. The webcat bounced off along the garden trail and fell into a ditch ! The black webcat in John Denham’s webchat left muddy pawprints everywhere … as he tip - toed under the table and over the chair. As they rested in front of the fireplace, the webcats discussed how to go about saving the human race … there were soon webcats and mice running around all over the place ! Before long, in the webchat story, they’d started a purry parliament … with everyone even chatting more about how to pay the webchat mat rent ! The discussion turned out to be rather eloquent.

The webcat who was quickest at getting the cream, until three in the morning, continued to scream ! One webcat had the furriest paws, another had sharp claws (and another had droopy cabinet drawers !). A webchat party isn’t at all that good - if it doesn’t have a Tom and Jerry chase (as all real mouse - chaser webcats should !). So soon, all the webcats were upto some mischief … one of them played with garden leaf, creating more commotion beyond belief ! Another was chased away by the guard waving his handkerchief ! 

Webcats Furry Tail Tale

Which two “webcat” letters should be added to complete these words, do you think ?

__ __ ime

__ __ im

__ __ int

__ __ onto

__ __ ude

__ __ une

__ __ ison

__ __ ide

The honky tonky donkey could sing and dance well enough to be in a rodeo.

The minute that the volume got turned up (even higher than the heat !),

The honky tonky monkey tapped his feet to the beat.

He shook, rattled and rolled so much, he lost his sunglasses on the street !

You could often find him paddling in the tide, singing to his heart’s content,

(well, he had to find some way of paying the rent !).

Sixties hits were his favourites …

When his stereo was blasting loud, sitting down wasn’t allowed !

He wriggled so much, he almost fell out of his shorts -

He even won a dance competition in the school sports !

Soon, the honky tonky monkey’s sunhat fell off,

And it wasn’t at all because the sea was too rough !

But because his disco - teching was hot stuff and he couldn’t stop till he got enough !

From the circus, a monkey came,

Who’d heard all about the honky tonky monkey’s musical game.

But the monkey didn’t have any rythmn at all -

When he started to sing, the pictures fell off the wall !

Whenever he tried to do the “monkey funk !”,

He broke the stereo and all that happened was an out - of - tune “CLUNK !”

No wonder that the monkey was so out of time :

He couldn’t get any of the words in his hit song to rhyme,

Yet, even though their CD collection was really rather scratched,

The honky tonky donkey and the funky clunky monkey were incredibly well - matched !

Together they tried to sing like a bird,

Eventually, it was the sweetest honky tonk sound ever heard !   

Name

That Tune In One !

Imagine each of the words, taken from the text above, is sung, instead of written in the musical keys A to F. The correct key that the song should be sung in is the missing letter - guess how to spell the word correctly for a point for your team … but all players must sing their answers !

1. Becaus__

2. be __ ch

3. listening to the ra __ io

4. dan __ e

5. volum __

6. tapped his feet to the __ eat

7. s __ nging to his heart’s content

8. st __ reo

9. __ ance competition

10. musi __ al game.

11. sin __

12. an out - o __ - tune “__LUNK !”

13. wor __ s in his __ it song

14. __ D coll __ ction

15. the sweetest honky tonk sound __ v __r heard !

1. 600

2. 6

3. a) 63 % b) 37%

4. 1904

5. 188

6. 350

7. 20 mins.

8. 38

9. 8

10. 40

11. 1841

12. 62

But his poverty didn’t bother the poor porcupine that much … he didn’t even care if he couldn’t afford to pay his laundry bills, when he got covered in slutch ! Because he suddenly developed a Midas touch ! Then he found, after rolling around on the ground, in mud, attached to his spikes were many riches from the wood. The poor porcupine especially liked going outside when the weather was damp - because then he acquired on his spikes, goodies left by a tramp !

Off the poor porcupine headed into town … there was a diamond on his belly when he looked down ! As he stomped along the street, he soon picked up lost coins, on his furry feet. Leaving footprints as he went, meant he soon had enough cash to pay the rent ! If the poor porcupine rolled over in the gutter, on his prickles, he soon had enough litter to pay for his lunchtime bread and butter. He picked up a lucky lottery ticket, dropped by a money spider when he’d had a flutter : yes, you guessed it … worth all the right numbers for a bonus hit ! Hoping that his good fortune wouldn’t run out, the poor porcupine regularly began to roll about, whenever he was out … it wasn’t long before he’d amassed enough loot, to fill a whole treasure chest in which jewels and riches could be put ! Life soon became considerably more blessed (the poor porcupine found that rolling around outside the bank on the high Street was best !). At first, it seemed that it was fool’s gold … but the poor porcupine picked up more than he could hold (and on the market, his treasure could be sold !). So the poor porcupine didn’t care if he got mucky - on his spikes he struck gold - he really was quite lucky ! All around his prickly collar - he stuck on three dimes, two nickels and a dollar. Whether the poor porcupine was just putting on weight, or whether it was just all the rubbish he’d collected at the park gate, there was no way of telling … when the poor porcupine re - appeared, it was with considerable swelling ! In fact, after an afternoon, basking in the Sun on the church wall, the porcupine could hardly be seen at all !

The Poor Porcupine’s Roll Over Jackpot

The values of each of the treasures picked up on the poor porcupine’s spikes are listed below. Write down as mathematical equations, as many different combinations of goods to make the poor porcupine into a millionaire. What would he need to pick up on his spikes ?

A can of fizzy pop - 35 p

A diamond - £50, 000

A ruby - £5, 000

A pearl - £10, 000

A bunch of flowers - £3.99

A chocolate - 25 p

Game 2 : riches from the wood ; goodies left by a tramp ; a diamond ; lost coins ; lucky lottery ticket ; three dimes ; two nickels ; a dollar.

The baboon was sleeping in the jungle one day, snoring loudly as baboons do in their own baboon way. When suddenly the coconut leaves flew apart and the baboon awoke with a baffling start. Perhaps a coconut or a snake had dropped, but all of a sudden, his snoring stopped. Something had dropped right on his head and knocked the baboon right out of his bed. The baboon boo – hooed “OUCH !” in pain, and asked the gorilla to stop the rain. The gorilla replied that it wasn’t a rain cloud at all, “What on Earth was it then ?”, the baboon cried out loud. The hullabaloo soon drew quite a crowd. When the pair looked up, something had eclipsed the Sun and the tops of trees had almost gone. It seemed that the night had come too soon – but the thing in the sky wasn’t the moon. The baboon felt a real buffoon. As the snakes hissed on the jungle floor, the gorilla and the baboon looked a bit more. The gorilla went to get his spectacles to get a better view. The baboon quickly realised he needed his telescope, too. High in the clouds, descending from above, was a big, red balloon that had given the clouds a shove. One of the crocs who came for a look fell off his rock in total shock. Then the baboon called to the chimp to look at the sight – to bring a string and hold the balloon tight. The jungle animals went off on a search, almost knocking the parrot off his perch. Soon the animals gave up all hope, of ever finding a suitable rope. Along came an ape who said a stick might do the trick … but a fish disagreed and said a fishing rod would be much better. When the baboon tried to catch the balloon, he fell and ended up considerably wetter. A colourful bird flew overhead and wondered why the gorilla was not in his bed. Soon, after he crash landed and banged his head, the bird spent a week nursing ruffled feathers, a broken wing and very crumbled bread. The hippos roared an applaud as usually they spent their days in the jungle quite bored. The balloon bounced out of reach. It flew over the trees and landed on the beach. The gamekeeper came and shot the balloon with his gun and now the baboon’s ballooning days were all gone. It only took one shot to bring down the whole lot. What a jungle hullabaloo they created, now that the balloon was no longer inflated.

© Jacqueline Richards 2007

The elephant in Chuckle Buckle’s circus was bonkers about conkers ! Every Autumn, he was usually found to be, in the garden, looking for conkers beneath the old oak tree. To keep themselves busy in the cold weather, the squirrels who lived in Jack’s beanstalk were having an acorn and conker championship, though one or two got lost in the heather. This year was particularly better than ever - the elephant used his trunk to collect litter - but what he vacuum cleaned up caused quite a titter. The squirrels roared when they saw what the elephant had picked up - three crisp packets, two empty cans of coke and a torn paper cup. The elephant had been searching for conkers all afternoon - hardly expecting one to slip up his nostril so soon ! Now, every time he sang, he was hopelessly out of tune ! All the elephant did was sniff … he hoovered up a conker and now couldn’t whiff ! Although he did try to blow his nose, with such a big trunk, the handkerchief was soon full of holes ! The other elephants in Chuckle Buckle’s circus all thought that he was as drunk as a skunk … especially when he started roaring (hopelessly off key) through his trunk ! His long elephant tusks were shiny and bright … no wonder that his toothache kept him awake half the night ! But the next time that the elephant went to sneeze, nothing came out (except a wheeze with no breeze !). His usual bungle in the jungle was now more of a jumbled up bumble than a rumble. He only roared with a snort and didn’t sound at all like elephants ought.

Stuck Up The Trunk of Jack’s Beanstalk Maths !

1. If the elephant picked up many more leaves than he did conkers, in a ratio of 2 : 5. If he picked up 400 : conkers, how many leaves did he pick up ?

2. On average, the elephant picked up one conker every 25 metres. How many conkers is that in 5 km ?

3. The elephant dropped 20 % of the 300 conkers that he picked up.a) How many is that ?

2. Group together the words with the same sound (there should be five in each set).

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooZM LST

Answers :1. 1000

In Jack’s beanstalk, there lived an otter,

Who was potty about the lottery.

It didn’t matter if he won or not.

Every week, he marked X on the spot.

No matter how many tickets that he got,

He never really won a lot.

Until, one day, Witch Hazel waved her magic wand,

And suddenly he hit the jackpot !

What was the otter’s prize, do you think ?

Well, you guessed it, a fish and a whole load to drink !

Bingo !Which of the following lottery balls should fit inside each of the mathematical equations below on the otter’s lottery tickets each week ? Re - write and solve the equations using algebra.

5      15      25      75      100      10       50       150

Week 1. __ + 100 / 2 x 3 = 300

Week 2. __ x 4 / 2 + 100 = 120

Week 3. 35 + __ x 3 / 2 = 60

Week 4. 50 x 2 + 10 + 40 = __

Week 5. 145 + __ + 40 = 200

Week 6. 50 x 5 = 2 __

Week 7. 75 x 2 + 350 - 425 = __

Week 8. 100 x 100 - 975 = __

© Jacqueline Richards 2008

Answers : 1. 100 2. 103. 5

Gertrude the Gerbil tried to climb the beanstalk one day, but the leaves got in the way. The beanstalk was tall and she couldn’t make it to the top. So around the second branch, Gertrude decided to stop. She huffed and puffed, then climbed some more. Two hundred feet above the forest floor. Fearing that she might just fall off .. she clung onto a creeper and swang to take off. Gertrude the Gerbil took enormous care … it wsa a terribly long way up there. Step by step, she weaved her way. Around the beehive, the twigs started to sway. On and on, one by one, she almost slipped, but Gertrude managaed to cling on. She felt like a real moutaineer climbing Everest. On the twentieth branch, she put her energies to the test then at the bird’s nest, took a rest.

The Beanstalk Climb

Add the letters C - L - I to complete the words.

__ __ __ ng

__ __ __ ff

de__ __ __ ne

in__ __ __ ne

__ __ __ max

__ __ __ p

__ __ __ nch

__ __ __ mb

__ __ __ mber

de__ __ __ ne

re__ __ __ ne

__ __ __ mate

© Jacqueline Richards 2007

Answers : cling ; cliff ; decline ; incline ; climax ; clip ; clinch ; climb ; climber ; decline ; recline ; climate