Jack and The Beanstalk Tall and Short Stories

Santa’s Visit To Tom Thumb

Jacqueline — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:39:05 +0000

Over the years, Santa became an expert in chimneys. Even blind - folded, Santa could tell the difference between ones thin and long, (though his eyesight on misty nights wasn’t that strong) and chimneys thick and short (in between the odd glass of port). Probably, no - one else in the world knew so much about chimneys as he did. Santa was really an expert at the sport (well he had been doing it since he was a kid !). But, some chimneys were so small that Santa couldn’t fit … some chimneys were so wide that Santa couldn’t hold on or touch the side.

Their size, colour and height were all a matter of incredible mathematical equation, yet also, for Santa, a source of incredible frustration. Of course, Santa had to get in, before Christmas could even begin.”Gggrrr !”, Santa groaned, Rudolph the red nose reindeer frowned and Gerome the gnome moaned. Each year, the chimneys seemed to get tighter … the sleigh slower and Santa’s sack no lighter. Needless to say, since he’d been eating mince pies in enormous proportions, from year to year, Santa wasn’t very good at calculating different proportions, from there to here. He should have ventured down chimneys stacks with rather more caution. Even Santa’s belt underwent some torsion, stretched to the limits in extra - ordinairy extortion. Sometimes, it even seemed that he’d never be set free and make it home in time for tea !

Perhaps it was that none of Santa’s friends had also been present in algebra classes … or that the Snowman had sat upon his glasses. Unfortunately, Santa had never been very good at maths and he liked homework even less. So, Santa’s sense of centimetre was absolutely useless ! Of course, because he’d been so busy with the elves building toys in the garden shed and fixing the shelves, he’d missed the class at school on using a ruler, so it is said. Thus, although he was generally very good at distributing Christmas treasure, Santa wasn’t at all that useful when there was anything Christmas - y to measure. Despite using his brain - strength to measure each inch, he often got the length of everything wrong - even his belt started to pinch !

Without a chimney map book, inevitably, Santa got stuck ! Given how sticky dirty chimneys can be, how could he possibly deliver every Christmas present in the world and make it home by three ? “Perhaps”, Santa wondered, “It would be better to “chuck and duck”, rather than be left with a ratio problem that always needed a second look ! Chimney stacks used to fit, years ago, when Santa never once had this problem, travelling around the world, to and fro. These days, whenever the world’s children wanted to know “Where are my presents ? What has Santa brought me ?”, they had to wait a day or so. Santa, meanwhile, was still struggling down the chimney pots, crying “Just a mo !”. Getting stuck in chimney pots meant that Santa had to play catch and throw for their gifts out in the snow. These days, it seemed, chimneys were even bigger (or was it his waistline that seemed to just grow and grow !?).

Mmmm … From up in the clouds, Santa puzzled about the problems of the world’s chimneys somewhat … why were some cold and some hot ? what a lot of bricks they’d got, yet some hurt to land on and others not ! how did they get to be so tall ? and what would he do, if he started to fall ? “Eureka !”, Santa cried, as one or two or the bricks moved, his problem was solved. The chimney was a much easier glide ! With every snowflake that dissolved, finally, the size of Santa’s stumbling block were resolved. As a snowstorm came and went, one of the bricks became loose (clearly there hadn’t been enough cement). When the television aerial actually came off, on clouds of chimney soot, he started to splutter and cough. Rudolph the reindeer wished he was home with the moose as, in another shake, another rooftile came loose ! This year’s sleigh ride was turning out to be amazingly tough. The ascents to the top of the world’s chimney pots were becoming even more rough ! Luckily, Rudolph had a cold and with each sneeze, Santa’s grip in the snow began to release, his worries soon began to ease. Since Santa could no longer keep a tight hold, down the chimney pot he rolled. After Rudolph gave Santa a shove, suddenly, Santa made a hasty descent from above ! “CRASH !”, he landed on the grotto floor, as a neatly wrapped gift flew towards the door.

The following year, Santa was determined not to have the same problem again. He was determined not to again get caught in the rain ! Initially, he considered only going down chimneys greater in size than a drain. Of course, that wouldn’t be much fun, for the children living in houses with small chimney pots … how would they get their festivities done ? Oh what a pain ! Santa enlisted the help of Tom Thumb, for the chimneys that were so small, the people thought Santa would never come. They were the days when the weather was so cold, even Rudolph’s nose became numb ! When the chimney rocked so much because of the size of Santa’s gigantic bum … and Santa was often left trapped in chimney stacks, drinking Christmas rum !

First, Santa recruited all the Christmas fairies and gave them each an important job to do. Whilst all the elves were busy hammering and glueing toys, around the chimneys of the world, with a tape measure, all magically flew. For the chimneys which were miniscule, the fairies checked the lengths with a school slide rule. For the chimneys that were too great, Santa decided to stand on a crate. For the chimneys that were too narrow, Santa said those children could pick up theirs from the sleigh tomorrow. For the chimneys that were too high, Santa asked an aeroplane to fly by. For the chimneys that had started to fall down, Santa made sure that the presents were express - flown.

Then, Rudolph, the reindeer had an idea - to call on their old friend Tom, as soon as the weather was clear. Santa paid Tom (the Piper’s son) a visit (though his bottom was still so painful that he could hardly sit !). Santa was still aching where he’d fallen into a fire still lit and his feet still hurt a bit !. Santa huffed and puffed, trying to keep up with him, though his chances of catching Tom, Tom the Piper’s son were rather slim. It was only when the apprehended put down a stolen pig rather than pull out a plum that Santa realised it wasn’t Tom Thumb. Tom Thumb was in Tom the Piper’s son’s pocket … hence the reason the pair had shot off like a rocket ! Surprised by his size, when Santa saw Tom Thumb was no bigger than a pin, he couldn’t believe his eyes ! He was no talelr than one of Santa’s mince pies ! However, for chimneys, this was

wonderful ! Santa would no longer have to push and pull. Unlike Santa (who was incredibly unfit), Tom Thumb was considerably a much better fit. Whereas Santa had had trouble reaching the top, all Tom Thumb had to do was launch off and drop. Although some of the chimneys were like jumping into a bottomless pit, now Tom Thumb could easily do it. A heavy weight was lifted from Santa’s shoulders - he felt like he’d been carrying a dozen Christmas sacks … and ten icy boulders ! Especially when Santa was wearing a full kit … (a red and white suit and the odd size twelve Wellington boot … sleigh bells, gloves and a woolly hat on top of it !).

In A Puff Of Smoke

How many of the presents would make it down the chimney ?

* Teacher’s note - draw a selection of different sized chimneys and various presents for both Santa and Tom Thumb to “chuck and duck” : a useful comparative exercise played like a school fete coconut shire game.

Thumbs Up, Tom Thumb !

Thumbs Up, Tom Thumb ! How Long Did it take Santa to come ? Calculate the length of time it took Santa to abseil down the following chimneys …

* Teacher’s note - draw a selection of different sized chimneys and various speeds for both Santa and Tom Thumb : a useful comparative exercise on height.

Santa’s Christmas Helicopter Rescue Ride

Jacqueline — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:35:56 +0000

Not many people know that, most Christmases, Santa didn’t only travel by sleigh. In fact, he hopped on a bus, sometimes, when yearly he had to get away. Usually, Santa used a boat and a plane, then even once skid and ski - ed down the lane. He didn’t need a tourist guide - it was easy to remember the same path on the 25th of December - then globally just slip and slide. His journey was planned well in advance … take - off from the grotto roof, then a ferry to France. Once, Santa even bought a Metrolink ticket (just so he could catch a glimpse of the cricket). However, the Christmas that Santa took a helicopter ride, he arrived late. He didn’t mean to but his sleigh wasn’t working that great and travelling by polar bear was transport he did hate. Somewhere in the middle of the Antarctic and South Pole, Santa’s toboggan slipped down a very big, icy hole. Despite this, Santa’s Christmas holidays still had rock ‘n’ roll - a cod, three kippers and a very tasty lemon sole ! Whilst Mo the Eskimo’s igloo started to crumble, Santa wobbled on the lake, (scared that he would tumble !). There was a really interesting panoramic view - of puffins, penguins and even a whale, too ! Santa brought the binoculars that he’d been given as a Christmas gift - carefully watching all the wildlife, floatng along on the icy snowdrift (he only hoped that the mist would lift !). Before long, the dinghy he was using to cross the oceans of the world started to deflate. Worried that the presents he was carrying would soon get wet, Santa shoved them quickly into a fishing net. One or two are still drifting on a tropical tide towards South Africa, I bet.

Inevitably, some would say, perhaps, Santa slipped as he tripped - one of his usual mishaps as he rushed around before Christmas Day !

Since last year, Santa had put on a few pounds (probably because of one too many mince pies). So breaking the ice on the skating lake, was hardly a surprise !

He should have stopped, but the temperature dropped … perhaps to bring a swimming costume would have been wise ! Slowly, at first, the ice cracked and icicles started to splinter - this wasn’t a problem that Santa had last Winter. Before he knew it, Santa was caught up in a real Christmas muddle - somewhere between an over - flowing river and real icy puddle. “SPLASH !”, the water was rather cold. Santa did try to pull himself out, but couldn’t easily grab hold. Meanwhile, as the ice around the snowcaps started to melt, luckily a very friendly walrus threw Santa a lifebelt. “Don’t give up all hope !”, cried the elves with a yelp. As they hastily tied a long rope, trying to help, but not wanting to slip in themselves. “Help ! Quick ! Someone come and pull me out !”, Santa began to loudly shout. He was a good swimmer, so he knew to take a deep breath, not scream, but instead kick about, and head upstream. Santa released a flare - which sparkled, like fireworks everywhere. Seeing the signal, S - O - S, in the clouds above, the Christmas fairies came urgently to help out, with their love. They flapped their wings and hovered on high - wonderously singing like angels in the sky.

The rescuers hauled Santa up on a winch and gave him a pinch. “Thank heavens for these superheroes”, Santa sighed, though he was still worried about the thousands of presents to deliver worldwide. “Worry not !”, the Captain of the crew reassured Santa, handing the reindeer a carrot. “Thanks a lot”, Santa muttered, with the last bit of energy he’d got … sipping a whiskey that really hit the right spot. The pilots toured around the globe, to every continent, dropping off parcels, one by one, till all were gone. There were teddy bears and slippers in pairs. Dolls’ houses and new blouses. Tennis racquets and chocolate packets as well as a bottle of scent.

Mrs. Christmas was pleased as punch to see the Christmas crew safely land and invited everyone to lunch. Reading about the brave deeds in the newspaper, the Council threw a party - it was one hearty caper ! The Chief Lieutenant was awarded a medal with a round of applause for the heroic way his team had saved Santa Claus. The Christmas that Santa took a helicopter ride flew by more than most (somewhere in the sky above an island, between Santaland and the Icelandic coast !).

© Jacqueline Richards 2008

The Christmas That Santa Exchanged His Wellingtons For Walking Boots

Jacqueline — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:56:47 +0000

One year, instead of sugary fruits, as a present from the others in the grotto, Santa received a new pair of walking boots. He looked at the box, and checked it’s size, shook it a bit - then out fell the surprise : a big pair of leather walking boots ! Were they magic ? Santa wondered somewhat, knowing that the Christmas fairy’s spells usually had a lot. Santa couldn’t wait to try them on. The next time Mrs. Christmas looked, off upstairs, he had gone. Suddenly, BANG ! the snowman thought that the roof was tumbling down, because there was such a loud crash, it could be heard on the other side of town. Santa, of course, didn’t notice at all, how the picture frames wobbled in the hall and fell off the wall. THUD ! THUD ! one by one, Santa plodded downstairs as the bannister rail shook and the hatstand spun.

Santa had never been known for having dainty feet, but in his new clog - hoppers, Santa made more noise than all one thousand gnomes, (more than a thousand coppers stomping on their beat !). Soon, the grotto floorboards broke and outside in the garden, Frosty the Snowman awoke. “Keep down the racket !”, the elves outside cried, still trying to get some sleep from the party the night before, inside. The Christmas fairy, who usually floated around the grotto as lightly as a ballerina - laughed at the sight, of two thousand elves looking as green as greenfly … going slightly greener !

When Santa went to climb down the chimney pot, because he still had one or two presents to deliver, he found that on the grotto roof, there was three inches of snow, which with all the commotion, started to quiver. In the cold, Santa’s shivering became worse … which shook the roof, even more of course. As the television aerial gave a shake, CRASH ! off fell the ice in the quake. The Christmas fairy giggled some more, as the chimney pot wiggled, three icicles jiggled, Santa wriggled and all jiggled to the floor ! The walking boots that Santa received this year, were much better than last year’s slippers or 2005’s swimming flippers. Although not as comfortable to wear, he hoped every year from now on, he’d get a new pair. Since, they were so useful for clearing the snow, and perhaps, in new boots, Santa clearing the Winter ice would only take an hour or so.

As soon as his Christmas jobs were ticked off the list, Santa decided to take his sleigh for a ride in the mist. Making more noise in his walking boots, than the Yeti, Santa opted to drive on holiday in the mountains, rather than safari in the Sarangetti. His trip, however, turned out to be rather trying, (since Santa was rather more used to usually flying !). Santa took lots of photographs en route, and was so busy focusing on the forest, he fell over a Christmas tree root. There were still more problems afoot, when Santa accidentally dropped his compass in a mountain pass and trod on it with his boot. In the fog, he couldn’t see his map - then underfoot, he heard a snap. “CRACK !”. Broken branches left a trail on the track where Santa had walked over the mountains and back. “CRUNCH ! CRUNCH !”. There was a trail of leaves on the footpath, as well as crumbs from Santa’s picnic lunch, which had dropped from the knapsack, that he carried on his back. With no compass, now, Santa didn’t know which way to go ! especially with the ground covered in four inches of snow.

Whilst he was squeezing the water out of his socks, Santa rested on the rocks. He took a drink from a flask that he carried on his hip, (Santa always kept a hot toddy of whiskey for his trip). His new walking boots rub and hurt. Santa could only just see the laces, since they were covered in so much in muddy dirt. Santa tied each of his new walking boots to a log, tentatively placed his feet down, then jumped off like a frog. Using two twigs as ski - poles, he almost lost his wig in a bush of figs, and ran over two moles. Whooosh ! The curvy hillside made his ski - ing journey swervy, so hardly surprising Santa arrived back at the grotto a little nervy. The wind blew strong, making his trip even quicker.

As the gust howled, Santa scowled, and his glide down the moutainside became considerably slicker. Collecting mushrooms had always been one of Santa’s favourite pastimes, but today, he didn’t have much time, nor much room, to stop. His size nine new boots, gave him size nine new blisters. Santa badly needed some first aid, so he rushed through the Christmas fairy glade. Santa’s well - polished walking boots shone more than the Christmas lights along the way, helping to illuminate the darks woods and get him to the other side of the mountain and back in one day.

Snapped Branches Word Game

Imagine Santa had trodden on some of the words, from the story with his boots and snapped them into pieces. Can you stick them back together again correctly ? There are three broken branches in each sentence. Write a list of the broken words, properly stuck back together.

1. One year, tead ins of sugary fruits, as a sent pre from the others in the to grot, Santa received a new pair of walking boots.

2. He ed look at the box, and eck ch ed it’s size, shook it a bit - then out fell the surprise : a big pair of her leat walking boots !

3. Santa couldn’t it wa to y tr em th on.

4. ly Sudden, BANG ! the snowman ought th that the roof was ing tumbl down, because there was such a loud crash, it could be heard on the other side of town.

5. Santa had never been own kn for having dainty feet, but in his new clog - hoppers, Santa made more is no e than all one thousand gnomes, (more than a and thous coppers stomping on their beat !).

6. The Christmas fairy ally usu floated round a the grotto as lightly as a erina ball.

7. The Christmas fairy gled gig some more, as the c ney him pot wiggled, three les icic jiggled, Santa wriggled and all jiggled to the floor !

8. As soon as his Christmas jobs were ed tick off the list, Santa cided de to take his eigh sl for a ride in the mist.

9. His trip, ever how, turned out to be her rat trying, (since Santa was rather more used to ually us flying !).

10. Santa took lots of p ographs hot en route, and was so busy sing focu on the forest, he fell over a mas Christ tree root.

11. There were still more p blems rob afoot, when Santa acci ally dent dropped his pass com in a mountain pass and trod on it with his boot.

12. In the fog, he couldn’t see his m ap - then foot under, he heard a snap. “RACK C !”.

13. Broken an br ches left a trail on the rack t where Santa had ed walk over the mountains and back.

14. Santa didn’t know which way to go ! es ially pec with the round g covered in four ches in of snow.

15. Santa could only ust j see the ces la, since they were covered in so uch m in muddy dirt.

The Colder Boulder Game

Whilst walking, Santa stopped. As he rested on a rock, he found that the temperature dropped.

1. What was the temperature (t) on the following rocks ?

t = 12 + 25

t = 30 / 3

t = 100 / 4 + 2

t = 20 - 9

2t = 20 / 2

2t = 5 + 15

2t = 25 - 3

2t = 2 (16 / 4

3t = 60 / 3

3t = 120 / 3

3t = - 3 (12 / 4)

3t = 100 / 25 / 3

2. Which boulder is colder ?

Santa’s Size Nine’s

Write 10 sums that include one of Santa’s size nine boots.

Game 1 Answers :

1. One year, instead of sugary fruits, as a present from the others in the grotto, Santa received a new pair of walking boots.

2. He looked at the box, and checked it’s size, shook it a bit - then out fell the surprise : a big pair of leather walking boots !

3. Santa couldn’t wait to try them on.

4. Suddenly, BANG ! the snowman thought that the roof was tumbling down, because there was such a loud crash, it could be heard on the other side of town.

5. Santa had never been known for having dainty feet, but in his new clog - hoppers, Santa made more noise than all one thousand gnomes, (more than a thousand coppers stomping on their beat !).

6. The Christmas fairy usually floated around the grotto as lightly as a ballerina.

7. The Christmas fairy giggled some more, as the chimney pot wiggled, three icicles jiggled, Santa wriggled and all jiggled to the floor !

8. As soon as his Christmas jobs were ticked off the list, Santa decided to take his sleigh for a ride in the mist.

9. His trip, however, turned out to be rather trying, (since Santa was rather more used to usually flying !).

10. Santa took lots of photographs en route, and was so busy focusing on the forest, he fell over a Christmas tree root.

11. There were still more problems afoot, when Santa accidentally dropped his compass in a mountain pass and trod on it with his boot.

12. In the fog, he couldn’t see his map - then underfoot, he heard a snap. “CRACK !”.

13. Broken branches left a trail on the track where Santa had walked over the mountains and back.

14. Santa didn’t know which way to go ! especially with the ground covered in four inches of snow.

15. Santa could only just see the laces, since they were covered in so much in muddy dirt.

Game 2 Answers : 37 ; 10 ; 27 ; 11 ; 5 ; 10 ; 11 ; 8 ; 20 ; 20 ; 9 ; 25

Santa’s Olympic Christmas

Jacqueline — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 19:33:50 +0000

During Santa’s Olympic Christmas, there were so many games to play that Santa really should have won something. A gold cup prize was no surprise … given how spectacularly he ate mince pies. Although, at school, Santa had never been very good at anything at all, everyone was impressed by his high jump over the garden wall.

Despite landing with a bump, Santa was better than anyone at the long jump. He put the matter down the fact, that Santa’s sleigh ride often made quite an impact. He practised so hard, all year long, that he grew considerably and his muscles became strong. When he threw a discus, it zoomed across the living room and everyone cheered as it hit the broom !

The Christmas angel lit a candle, which Santa would have carried all the way around the world, but it was too hot to handle ! So instead of an Olympic torch, the fairy hung Christmas lights all over the grotto porch. In Mrs. Christmas’s kitchen, there were so many mince pies being baked, that Santa was soon quite worn out and on the couch he flaked. Christmas had never been as busy as this - with a first competition prize, of a mistletoe kiss from the Christmas fairy, everyone made sure their athletics were extra - ordinairy. Even Santa (who usually was rather more portly than sporty) was found, huffing and puffing, running around ! It was only to deliver presents that he travelled so far outward bound.

Santa really should have awarded all the gnomes a spinning wheel gold medal. They had millions of Christmas stockings to make and it was amazing how fast they could pedal. The elves also had a thousand and one things to do, so it was a good job that they were quick. Just like Santa’s performance in the decathlon, their speed seemed more like a magic trick - fantastic ! It was as loud as an auditorium roar, when they nailed ten nails into each shoe, more than a winning score.

The first race was how to get around the world fastest then get back to base. Soon, Santa, with Rudolph, was zooming all over the place. Rudolph’s red nose shone so much, that it could be seen from outer space ! Just like the original astronauts landing on the Moon, Santa had an Olympic mission - to sing a hundred carols in tune. Heave - ho ! heave - ho ! Frosty the Snowman lifted heavy sacks of toys, all over the grotto. Santa used his booty bag, rather than an Olympic flag. He waved so much that he almost dropped all the toys he’d made, as such, but he kept the teddy bear as a lucky mascot, in his clutch.

Being supersonic, Santa could jog a half a mile in less than a minute. He wanted to enter the Santaland Christmas marathon, but he doubted he would win it ! All of the grotto family lined up and when the pistol fired, hastily shot off. By the time that he’d reached Mo the eskimo’s igloo, Santa’s red and white hat had dropped off. Although he never wanted Christmas to end, Santa rushed in second place around the bend, followed by the robin red breast, his friend. Back in the grotto, Mrs. Christmas was seeing how many cards she could send. The washing line was a finishing line - they all celebrated his championship win with a glass of sherry wine ! The award ceremony was held by the fireplace - all Santa’s grotto friends were given a certificate for each race.

Of course, the greatest race of them all, was for presents when Santa came to call. In the 5 million metre dash, Santa won second prize, though once or twice, his sleigh did crash. No wonder Christmas was over as quick as a flash !

Christmas Musical ABC’s

The fastest Christmas spelling game ever ! A bit like “i spy”, this English game needs at least two people. The first commentator calls out the letters in sequence of a word, on different subjects (some ideas for themes are given below) to a tune. When the music stops, the player must guess the next letter. Alternatively, the letters of a word are place next to each other in a “chair - chain - letter” when one is removed, the players have to guess which letter needs replacing to complete the spelling.

Santa’s Trip Around The World Without Any Signposts

Jacqueline — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 22:21:02 +0000

Santa didn’t mean to end up in the South instead of the North Pole. But for some reason, the sleigh had gone the wrong way (probably because his eyesight was worse than that of a mole). The condition of the sleigh was also a bit of a worry. As well as everything in view appearing quite blurry, Rudolph’s eyesight was poor, being so furry, especially when in a hurry. When the sleigh started to sway, he ended up in a hole ! (and couldn’t get out until Saturday !). It was going the wrong way, on Christmas day, that made Santa land in the snow, and his hair white all day ! Usually, when the Christmas stars shone bright, Santa easily steered the sleigh in flight. But this year, the meteroties didn’t seem to shine alright and Santa’s sleigh had a broken headlight. Santa instructed Rudolph to read the signs well, but the reindeer had been sipping Christmas wines and accidentally fell. Nor could he tell the difference between London and Snowdon, as well. Santa went the wrong way around the roundabout and when the gearstick should have been let in, he let it out ! In, out ! In, out ! When Santa’s sleigh started to shake about, three of the screws in the hokey - cokey engine fell out. Geographical maps had never been Santa’s strong point at school. He didn’t have a compass and couldn’t at all work a slide - rule. Which way should Santa go ? Left or right, he really didn’t know !

Furthermore, when Santa wasn’t wearing his spectacles, he wasn’t that good at reading, at all so, hardly surprising that his driving wasn’t succeeding (and he crashed into the garden wall !). In fact, he almost ran over the Christmas fairy, nearly (fortunately, this wasn’t a problem that he had yearly). As Santa leaned on the signpost at the corner of the street, Rudolph almost trod on his feet ! Being more long - sighted than most, not only was Santa lost - he also couldn’t focus on the signpost ! So he headed off inland, instead of towards the coast, en route to the grotto in Santaland.

Wherever it seemed that Santa wanted to go, the road was a no - go without a tow. All of the places didn’t show and the signposts were completely obliterated by snow. Where Santa should have turned right, off to Oslo, he couldn’t see the signpost alright or the placename was hidden by a crow. When Santa should have been in Berlin, he was still looking for the way, near Madrid, waiting for Christmas to begin. Instead of Denmark, Santa found himself flying over Central Park. Copenhagen, instead of Baden. Dublin rather than Greenland, further North (although he studied the map for all he was worth). At the road junction, where the trail began to fork, Santa had two options, going to Paris or New York. Perhaps it would be better to walk ? By ten o’clock, Santa should have made it across the River Tyne, but in the misty weather, the panorama was just an outline. Again, he missed the sign. Instead of seven miles, Santa read nine. At Midnight, instead of spending the night sleeping, tucked up in warm bedding, Santa was still circling in the sleigh, somewhere over Reading ! About two, as Sydney, Australia came into view, Santa looked for the signs - they read Timbukto ! No wonder the time flew ! Above Delhi, from the sleigh, landed the presents (a watch for Frosty the snowman) that Santa threw. At three, instead of in Kathmandu, where his automatic routefinder said he should have been, Santa found himself flying somewhere over Houghton Green (the signposts still couldn’t be seen). As he circum - navigated Wales, Santa hoped the icy North wind blowing would put some more Oooommph ! in his sails. Needless to say, he was still on the wrong trail (though he guessed he was in the Dales).

By now Santa was so late, having no idea what time he’d get to Mo the eskimo’s igloo gate, he was impatiently discarding his map. It landed on an icecap, awaking three Polar bears from their nap. It was just like the Winter Olympic games. Although he tried to see the placenames, there was so much snow, that the names appeared all the same. No - one was able to show him the way, no one sign showed him the exit, to his dismay.

Santa still had thousands of gifts to deliver, but was still stuck in snowdrifts by the river. Even though he didn’t know which one and he wasn’t much further on, a bit of white water kayaking, still turned out to be fun. In the mist, Santa could see neither the map, nor his present list. Santa shone a torch, but the snow and ice was so thick, only, it seemed that only a bulldozer could possibly do the trick ! As he splashed into a puddle, the presents in Santa’s sack got into even more of a muddle. All the labels on the gifts in his booty bag quickly became jumbled, “Oh Christmas tree pine needles in your foot !”, Santa mumbled, as from his sack, a teddy bear tumbled. His hopes of getting home in time for Christmas dinner crumbled.

Without proper signposts, Santa’s Christmas trip really was a sham ! Instead of taking a doll’s house to a girl in Amsterdam, Santa delivered a train set really intended for a boy in West Ham. There was a ring for a girl in Bejing, who didn’t get a single thing. The train meant for Gerome the gnome, Santa dropped on his way home and instead he got a brand new comb ! By the fireplace, next to the broom, Mrs. Christmas found her bottle of perfume, all because the signpost pointed to the wrong room.

All of this confusion lead to a real Christmas caper - Santa may as well have used his map as gift wrapping paper ! (just about as much use for getting around America’s tallest sky - scraper). Whilst the duo were on their trip - they didn’t have a clue - o ! no wonder their journey was a flip ! and they didn’t find the grotto. The road was long and the house number seemed wrong. Santa tried to see clearly, but his eyesight wasn’t that strong. Santa had never had a Christmas so topsy - turvy, as the year when going around unreadable signposts, made his round - the - world journey roundly swervy.

Which Way Should Santa Go ?

In this spelling game, the letters S - A - N have been removed. To complete the words correctly, is it left or right that the Christmas star should be moved ?

__ __ __ dstone *

* plea __ __ __ t

__ __ __ ctimonio * us

__ __ __ ction *

* __ __ __ ctuary

* __ __ __ peat

__ __ __ e *

__ __ __ ctity *

*__ __ __ guine

* __ __ __ itary

__ __ __ g *

phea __ __ __ t *

Answers : sandstone ; pleasant ; sanctimonious ; sanction ; sanctuary ; peasant ; sane ; sanctity ; sanguine ; sanitary ; sang ; pheasant

The Christmas That Santa Got A Ticket To The Zoo

Jacqueline — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:16:14 +0000

The Christmas that Santa got a ticket to the zoo as a Christmas present, flew (with parakeets and parrots, too !). He could have anything, a scarf, new pair of socks of box of chocs would have done but, he found, that despite all the scary creatures, a visit to the zoo was much more fun ! At first, Santa thought it was a Christmas card when he saw the gift in his stocking was bendy and thin. In fact, confusing it with an empty envelope, he almost put his present along with the scraps into the bin ! So you can believe Santa’s amazement, when, unwrapping the silver paper, untying the bow on the side, he saw a ticket to the zoo inside with a free go on the jumbo - slide ! “Wow ! That’s great !”, exclaimed Santa, looking forward to the right date. Santa could hardly wait for the New Year to begin, he was queueing from 30th December to make sure that the zoo - keeper would let him in !

Santa spent the first hour, in the park, hanging around with the chimpanzees, until it got dark. So far so good … the safari continued to a picnic in the wood. Santa had a pair of binoculars, that helped him to see, exactly what animals were trying to eat his tasty tea ! He sat down on a table, underneath a pylon, then jumped up with a start, when he heard the hiss of a python. Fortunately, the snake crawled away towards the lake - Santa wondered was it real or fake ? Santa had brought sandwiches, biscuits and some lemonade, then headed off in the direction of the cheetahs, to see what trouble they made. As he started to munch, Santa heard a crunch .. the turtles and tortoises had joined them for lunch !

He took a journey on the zoo buses and viewed the octopuses.Santa admired the sea - lions, being paraded by the pool. He particularly liked the way that the dolphins flipped - which he thought was really cool ! Luckily, the zoo - keeper had handed Santa a map - so he didn’t get lost. As he followed the trail, he saw a whale, and treaded footprints around the zoo, along the path in the frost. Naturally, because he lived in Christmasland, a North Pole habitat, Santa preferred a preferred the animals from icy climates rather than the primates. But he was interested in seeing a very ferocious jungle pole cat ! Then suddenly, Santa heard a screech : it was a shark on the beach. To save them from danger, Santa made a Christmas wish … then in a SPLASH, as quick as a flash, it turned into a fish.

There were lions and tigers, pandas and giraffes - the trip that Santa got a ticket to the zoo as a present, turned out to be a bundle of laughs ! Santa had not had this much fun in ages, especially when the zebra licked his ice - cream from inside one of the cages ! The butterfly display really took Santa’s breath away - their wings were pretty extra - ordinairy (Santa would have to remember to show the photographs to the Christmas fairy).

Whilst away from home, what Santa wanted most, was a “Wish You Were Here ?” keepsake that he could post to Gerome the Gnome, to say they were having a great time on the coast. He bought a souvenir of the zoo as they shopped : a plop that a prehistoric dinosaur elephant had accidentally dropped ! Might not seem much to help remember, a once in a lifetime trip to the zoo, until the following December. So Santa put the fossil into a museum, much admired by Frosty the Snowman and the elves, when they came to see him. In fact, the journey to the zoo had been such a memorable trip, Santa brought back a number of the animals, which all around Santaland did skip. The tigers helped Rudolph pull his sleigh and the zebra was in the pantomine (a donkey in the nativity play).

Zoom In A Christmas Zoo

Why would Santa need zoo animals in Santaland ? What other Christmas preparations would each of the zoo animals perhaps be good at doing ?

The Christmas That Santa Spent In A Lighthouse

Jacqueline — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:33:58 +0000

Santa didn’t mean to spend Christmas in a lighthouse, when he asked for a whiskey on the rocks ! In fact, the Christmas that Santa spent in a lighthouse, he ended up on the docks. As the Christmas stars flashed in the sky, Santa on his sleigh hastily dashed by. He really liked clear nights like these - he could see every fairy on each of the Christmas trees. The constellations showed him the way, how to get from the North to South Pole (and make it back by Christmas Day). But when the clouds obscured the stars in the Cosmos from view, Santa didn’t know what to do. In the ice, snow and mist, Santa couldn’t read the labels on the gifts, or even see his Christmas list ! Without so much as a spark, Santa spent all Christmas in the dark and he couldn’t find his way through the park. Instead of angels to gloriously “Hark !”, the Christmas that Santa spent in a lighthouse, he met a very hungry shark !

As soon as Santa launched off in flight, he was soon flying high as a kite, turning left, then right. On the journey, Rudolph’s nose shone so bright, Santa hardly needed a light. Going over land was easy, everywhere was well lit and breezy. But, as soon as Santa flew over the Sea, he got lost, unfortunately. When Santa passed along the quay, he realised he’d forgotten the grotto key. As he set to go back, he lost his way on the track. Then, in the dark, Santa dropped his sack. As well as baubles here and there, toys spewed out everywhere. A train set was on the beach, a doll’s house was on the cliffs, out of reach. A teddy bear fell into the rock pool and into the tide, fell a textbook for school. Santa immeadiately pulled the sleigh to a halt, blaming Rudolph, who denied the crash was his fault ! Santa couldn’t see at all, so into a hole, he did fall. When he peeped out, on the beach, there was no - one else about. Just above the edge of the hole, he could just about see his sledge, and a dover sole. Santa polished his glasses, to get a clearer look and reached into the pocket of his red suit, for a map book - hoping that it, too, hadn’t got stuck. Eventually, when Santa got back into the sleigh to go, he realised that the wheels had become stuck, completely, in the snow ! No wonder his round - the - globe trip that year, was going rather slow.

To keep Christmas afloat, Santa jumped into a boat - above the white surf, in the distance, you could see his red coat. When a beacon suddenly appeared, Santa’s worries quickly disappeared. Although he tried to be as quiet as a mouse, someone had spotted him inside the lighthouse. The lighthouse - keeper shone the torch, illuminating the presents hidden beneath the porch. “Watch out, Santa !”, the lifeguard cried, as a seagull zoomed towards him wide on the tide. Thanks to the rescuers being his guide, Santa quickly found the lost gifts washed away on a Wintery tide. Although the water was icy cold, using a fishing net, Santa found frankincense, myrrh and gold. Now every time that Santa sees Christmas fairy lights flash, he thinks of that year, when some of the presents ended up in the trash (when Christmas almost was awash) … but thanks to finding hidden treasure, Christmas went with a “SPLASH !” : a double - pleasure - measure, underneath a lighthouse, going “FLASH !.

On Board Ship

How many words can you think of that include the word “ship” ? Example - friendship.

The Foghorn That Didn’t Hoot

Add the word “hoot” to complete the words.

1. A s __ __ __ __ ing star flew across the Midnight

2. The car’s horn __ __ __ __ ed.

3. The owl __ __ __ __ ed from the branch of a tree.

Answers :

1. A shooting star flew across the Midnight

2. The car’s horn hooted.

3. The owl hooted from the branch of a tree.

Webchats Webcats Story

Jacqueline — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:56:33 +0000

The Downing Street webchats are a great place for funky cats to live - in webchats everyone is so very feline talkative ! The webcats spend their days, chatting about tax for cats … and how woollen ear warmers are the best hats for Cool cats on Wintery days ! The webcats run up and down the webchats all day long. Sometimes you can find a webcat asleep on the computer, looking for all the answers to everything though often they are wrong !). A webchat is a great place for a webcat to live, for webcats left with nothing else left to give … can spend their days happily purring, more than they actually economically live.

But this is a romantic story (rather furry and somewhat purry !), of Webchat webcats in Downing Street - it’s extra - ordinairy ! The greatest chat - up line ever said, all about how one day, Felix the Feline, proposed to Mo the Moggy in the flowerbed, then they both got wed ! When he put a golden ring on her claws ! Felix purred, “I Love you ! I do”, licking his paws (then slipped and fell down into one of the cabinet drawers !). When the vicar asked, “Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been ?”, the webcats replied they’d been looking in webchats for something fit for a Queen ! All the webcats got on enormously well, chatting about expensive presents, as chatterboxes do, champagne and what was on the menu, too. The preparations began around June, for a Webcat Wedding day to remember in December, under the light of the Moon. Finally, when the big day was soon to arrive, the cats counted how many of their nine lives they still had left alive.

To ensure all the cats lived happily ever after … there was music, a parade and a whole lot of catty laughter. A beautiful day for the feline lovers at the Church of The Holy Cushion Covers was anticipated (and all night, the webcats celebrated) … The Wedding celebrations were absolutely great - the webcats screeched songs all night ’till late and ate fishcakes from a plate ! Soon, the webcats were all enjoying a Wedding saucer of milk, lounging in the webchats, wearing bows of silk. It was the best (political !) party, that had ever been … the webcats danced with their furry tails so much, they polished he ballroom completely clean ! A few of the older webcats gathered around the chimney pot - drinking cream sherry and laughing about ol’ times rather a lot. Even the chimney shook a bit and all around the webchats, with fairy lights were lit. The crazy cats rocked the roof … and broke it a bit ! Felix and Mo the webcats danced to a song or two. All around the webchats, symbols crashed and trumpets blew. The bells on the webcats’ collars rang strong as they wed. “Hallelujah ! Hallelujah !”, all the mice said, before the two new spouses chased the mouses and headed off to a wedding night cushion bed. Rather than get stuck in a rut, the stray cat web cats went on a stray cat strut ! They slickly danced past Midnight, until Felix the Feline’s glass slipper got lost … then the two webcats sped off in a pumpkin … saying, the RSVP was in the post ! As the webcats’ whiskers twitched all night, the webcats soon got quite a fright. As he went to turn off the light, Felix the Feline pounced from quite a height. So, it wasn’t long before Felix the Feline got ditched ! (probably, because a few of the rooftiles became unhitched.

Wow ! There’s another webcat scurrying past - the coolest webcat in all of London, (though everyone said that micey affairs don’t last !). Each of the webcats had nine lives … so they spent ages, dancing the webchat, webcat jives ! Mice don’t live in the webchats at all (chased off by the webcats once and for all !).

One day, in the Justice Secretary’s webchat, a pen disappeared … in a puff of smoke, the webcats finally awoke, and a genie miraculously appeared. “Follow that rat !”, cried the webcat- zooming over the webchat mat. The Constabulary cat chased in hot pursuit, then John Prescott almost put his foot on the mut, with his size nine boot, trying to get the door shut ! Although they tried hard to find the rat who’d stolen it … the thief completely got away ! I hear, that the webcats in the webchats, are still looking for him today. They placed a saucer of milk for the cats on the filing cabinet - all to keep the webcats out of mishief, I bet ! (though they still haven’t retrieved the stolen pen, yet !). It seemed the pen, like webcats with nine lives sometimes do, evaporated into fresh air. Soon, there was a moggie everywhere - the next time the webcat leapt, fur flew everywhere ! All they wanted was a quiet webchat life … not to be chased away by razor sharp canines yielding a carving knife. A big, ‘orrible doggie chased the thief away. Luckily, since the weather was foggy, the dog couldn’t find the stray. In the lamplight, the fur on his furry tail stuck so straight upright, everyone thought a ghost had caught the moggie, along the streets, late on the party night. One webcat had so many fleas, even his whiskers wobbled, when he sneezed on the cheese. The fleas tickled John Reid’s webcat’s tail, so much that his fur started to itch. The webcat bounced off along the garden trail and fell into a ditch ! The black webcat in John Denham’s webchat left muddy pawprints everywhere … as he tip - toed under the table and over the chair. As they rested in front of the fireplace, the webcats discussed how to go about saving the human race … there were soon webcats and mice running around all over the place ! Before long, in the webchat story, they’d started a purry parliament … with everyone even chatting more about how to pay the webchat mat rent ! The discussion turned out to be rather eloquent.

The webcat who was quickest at getting the cream, until three in the morning, continued to scream ! One webcat had the furriest paws, another had sharp claws (and another had droopy cabinet drawers !). A webchat party isn’t at all that good - if it doesn’t have a Tom and Jerry chase (as all real mouse - chaser webcats should !). So soon, all the webcats were upto some mischief … one of them played with garden leaf, creating more commotion beyond belief ! Another was chased away by the guard waving his handkerchief !

But, unfortunately, that’s where my furry, purry story has to end … with Gordon’s brown webcat mouse running over the book cabinet being chased by Tony Blair’s mouse (his friend) completely round the bend ! Happily, by now, Felix the feline and Mo the Moggy have been partners on the mat for at least twenty years. They really like sitting in the warm, (the Ministers have such charm !) … and letting the apprentice office boys tickle their ears ! Living happily ever after … meiouwing loudly, with lots and lots of laughter.

Webcats Furry Tail Tale

Write ten sentences that include the word “tale” and “tail”.

Ppprr

Which two “webcat” letters should be added to complete these words, do you think ?

_ __ inciple

__ __ ime

__ __ im

__ __ int

__ __ onto

__ __ ude

__ __ une

__ __ ison

__ __ ide

Hey Diddle, Diddle Median Means Middle …

Jacqueline — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:53:27 +0000

Hey diddle, diddle,

Let’s now try Maths in a riddle,

Singing, “Hey diddle, diddle,

You tickle me in the middle,

In Maths lessons, teachers talk a riddle,

When I need the answers, it’s easier to fiddle”.

Averages, Mean, Mode & Median In The Middle

Write a definition of each of average, mode, median and mean.

The Christmas That Santa’s Scarf Unravelled

Jacqueline — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:48:11 +0000

Santa was usually tied up at Christmas, but the Christmas that Santa’s scarf unravelled, everyone was strung along and hung around rather more than usual ! This holiday season was no different - Santa was in such a Christmas rush, that his scarf got caught on a holly bush. Santa had been on his way home from the shops, when he felt something tug. Suddenly, just as his scarf began to snag, Santa let go of his shopping bag. Out spilled some of his shopping, three bags of potatoes burst open and out fell a mag. Just like a ball, across the hall, oranges, apples and lemons flew through the air, and splattered like water bombs on the wall. The plums were so like snowballs, they grew bigger and bigger. Before long, they’d covered the grotto in so much snow, Santa had to be rescued, dug out by a digger ! When Santa went to pick them up, again, another inch of his scarf unravelled, as he bent down to the drain. As he gave another tug, just like the rug, a piece of wool came undone. Within minutes, half of his scarf was gone ! To get a pair of scissors, quickly from the house, Santa rushed to the grotto door (scaring away the mouse !). A length of string followed him, so Santa was in knots before the festivities even began to begin ! As the wool from Santa’s scarf unthreaded, off over the table and upstairs it headed. The mice played skipping under Santa’s chair, as a length of rope zig - zagged everywhere. Soon, he’d be left with nothing to wear, I swear ! Santa began to feel the pinch, as his trousers fell down another inch ! The whole Christmas was turning out to be somewhat silly - hardly surprising, since Santa had no scarf to wear and the weather was considerably chilly ! Before long, even his socks were going. Outside, it was still snowing, yet Santa’s belly button was soon showing. Santa started to shiver - he still had cards and presents to deliver ! The temperature fell, so Santa caught a cold as well. The Christmas fairy was shocked how Christmas that year, flew. Blushing more than a robin red breast, Santa’s embarrassment grew, too ! Santa only wished that he’d remembered to wash his undies (though usually he rested and had fun on fun days, like these, on Sundays !). Seeing Santa’s false teeth chatter, Mrs. Christmas came along and asked, “What’s the matter ?”. She didn’t need to look much farther - Santa would much have preferred to have been unwrapping presents, rather. Mrs. Christmas giggled as Santa wriggled. By now, all his clothes were nothing but, a ball of string, which could be cut ! Although the elastic in his underwear had snapped and fall down, Santa didn’t seem to care if he showed his knobbly knees, all around town ! For all the townsfolk, dinner was, of course, twice as merry (must have been the Christmas sherry !). At least the Christmas that Santa’s scarf unravelled turned out to be exceptionally extra - ordinairy !.

Tied Up In Knots

Write 25 sentences which include the word “not”, then rewrite them again, using an apostrophe as a suffix.

How Long Is A Piece Of String ?

* Teacher’s note - this story can be used as a Maths exercise prompt. Demonstrate divisions, %, fractions etc, using string lengths.