Queen Quaver of Quaking Quiver’s Most Magical Piece of Paper That Couldn’t Be Destroyed


Queen Quaver of Quaking Quivers one time wanted to write a memo to her most important ministers in government (the usual kind of instructions – when to walk the dog, what to buy for the royal kitchens, how to polish the crown and which courtiers were to be given prestigious awards – or worse, which were to be beheaded). At first, Queen Quaver tried indelible ink and a whole variety of different papers – all failed. They soon became dog – eared, tattered and torn. “This is no good”, she complained to the Prince, who passed the message on to the Prime Minister (via the telephone, of course, since all the memos were being used and scribbled on). He had a good idea – he had once worked in MI5 – so he enlisted the help of a great, world-class spy – who was renowned for famous gadgetry and creative innovations. Within a week, he had produced a whole scrapbook of shatterproof sheets – gilt edge, photcopiable, parchments and papyrus. Queen Quaver of Quaking Quivers chose her favourite for the most important and exciting event of the millennium – the royal wedding.

Together with the Ladies – In – Waiting, she discussed the best design – something suitably majestic and magical for her matrimonial celebrations. The most elaborate invitation was decorated with daisies and had scalloped edges, embossed with silver scroll by HM Stationary Office :

Her Royal Highness Queen Quaver of Quaking Quivers would like to request the privilege of your company at the marriage ceremony of Prince Pompous and Princess Prim

Selebrations will commence at 7 o’ clock sharp

RSVP The Castle

Did you spot the mistake ? Unfortunately, one of the clerks was a little poor at spelling and no – one bothered to check for typos. Before long, thousands of envelopes had been sent out. It was only when the first guest responded that the mistake came to light. Government ministers pondered on the blunder and came up with the idea of using the invitations as a White Paper Report on the best way to deal with the crisis. Quick as a flash, the Royal Mail was halted and postmen worked for weeks trying to retrieve the erroneous and everlasting despatches. They were easy to spot from the junk mail and magazines since each copy was emblazoned with a special royal mark.

Since the various disguises tried by the spies was successful, the Head of the Secret Service enlisted the help of the emergency fire services in getting rid of the embarrassing and eternal envelopes. The Palace was a flurry of activity – bringing in bins, setting up shredders and employing armies of dustbin men. The trouble was, the newly invented paper was so fantastic, it simply wouldn’t self – destruct – it was completely unbreakable. One of the maids suggested a match – but the paper hardly singed. The housekeeper gave a sheet or two to the dog – mixed up in his chompalot feed – but he sniffed the importance of the documents belonging to his Royal master and being a trusted and loyal lifelong companion, wouldn’t take a sniff at it. 500 were used as scented pillows in the palace’s many bedrooms – and to wallpaper the servants’ bedrooms – a further 400 were used as Christmas card decorations. Even the King had a hand in – recommending recycling – but the letters were reappeared by return post (he had always taken an active interest in eco – friendly environmental matters).

The Castle Gardener had a go at the indelible paper with his secateurs – that didn’t work so he got all the farm hands to jump up and down on boxes of the stuff – the paper was screwed up and scruffed up but it hardly chipped. The Gamesman, on his way to a foxhunt, tried shooting at it with his air rifle – the bullets only bounced back – not much good either. The remainder of the first batch was buried deep in the Castle grounds, possibly for future generations to dig up. The paper seemed to be utterly indestructible and never – ending.

The RAF were given specific instructions to conduct an air – fly – over the palace, whilst the young princes rapidly began folding the imperishable invitations into paper aeroplanes – that did cause a flutter amongst the crowds. Passers – by bought indelible invitations for fifty – pence each. Thousands of Queen Quaver of Quaking Quivers’ invitations floated off into the air.

Meanwhile, inside the royal kitchens, the invitations were being chewed and chopped up, rolled and ripped, burned and boiled, ragged and roasted, torn and toasted all day long by the Head Chef. The scullery Bottle washer put half a dozen invitations into the dishwasher – they did, in fact, turn out to be somewhat cleaner, but although soggy at the edges, the invitations were intact regardless. Magic.

Magic Paper Aeroplanes
Sheets of icing sugar

Roll out sheets of icing sugar thinly then fold into aeroplane shapes to use as decoration for the small cup cakes found earlier. You may use the aeroplanes to decorate small cakes.


Ink’s Jinks

How many words can you think of that include an ink – splash ? Example – th – ink.

© Jacqueline Richards 2005


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