The Great British Mouse Series


The Great British Mouse Series

The mouse who lived on the Queen’s balcony

Could only just about see the tops of the Prince’s shoes.

In fact, the mouse was so very tiny,

He never even once made headline news.

Although he was small, and, somewhat rather unimportant,

The mouse who lived on the Queen’s balcony

Still have a very crucial role to play in the economy,

By scaring off all the elephants.

And making sure all the crumbs got eaten.

And the balcony was clean and tidy for the guests of state.

The mouse who lived on the Queen’s balcony always looked foward to banquets

… And seeing what tasty morsels they ate.

Of course, Queens being Queens, are generally very polite …

They cannot tell Chancellors to go take a hike,

So mice come in very handy, running up their trouser leg and over their bike …

If the Queen wanted to know what colour underpants her ministers had got,

Or if they had hairy legs or not,

The mouse took a peep and of course found they were gorilla – like a lot, somewhat !

As such the royal mouse became an expert,

In seeing off Chancellors who really were squirts.

One of the Attorneys even put him on the dock,

Accused of being a public nuisance and causing a hole in his sock !

Even if they’re not feeling that swell,

Queens still need to check that Ministers are running the country well …

So the mouse tickled their toes (to keep them on their toes),

(Though their feet somewhat smell !).

Actually, they almost trod on the mouse;s nose with their huge toes …

But that’s the downside of being the Queen’s mouse, I suppose !


But when the going got tough,

Soon, the mouse said “Phew ! I’ve had enough …”

“I’m going off to see a little bit of the world before I snuff !”

As the mouse offered a resignation tale instead,

The Queen cried, “Off with his head !” …

And off the mouse scarpered underneath the bed !

The next time she looked, the Queen couldn’t see the mouse anywhere …

There were still millions of issues to discuss,

And constituents to represent (but the mouse didn’t care !) …

You see, quite frankly, he couldn’t stand it anymore

(Looking up the hairy legs of important people from the floor) …

So the mouse headed off toward the door.

He bought a ticket away day,

Waving goodbye to the guardsman on his way.

First he decided to visit one of old mates,

Who was parked outside the palace gates.

Then he just carried on … and on …

Until he was two hundred miles away (though his knapsack weighed a ton !).

The Mouse who lived behind the goals at Old Trafford

Was a cousin of the Queen’s balcony mouse,

Who travelled up through Stafford.

He soon excelled in football goals,

And before long, scored one or two in his mouseholes.

Being fastest on the wings,

He was great at flings and things …

He was also fantastic at stealing cheese from the fridge …

To take to another brother who lived under Humber Bridge.

The Mouse who lived under the Humber Bridge

Was the best fisherman on the North side of Hull,

Who ate fish and chips dropped by a seagull.

Compared to the others, he was a bigger fish,

Who drove around London looking rather swish.

The most professorial of the lot,

Was the mouse who lived in the British library

You wouldn’t believe how many qualifications he’d got !

He spent all day going up and down bookshelves,

To save the librarians brushing up crumbs themselves.

The mouse who lived on top on Blackpool Tower

Could make it to the top, in less than one hour.

He quickly slipped down when there were showers.

Another one of their long distant relatives,

Lived at the side of the tennis courts in Wimbledon.

He sent a postcard to his cousin in London,

Saying tennis had been called off because it was raining

And his laces had come undone.

Another mouse lived at Glastonbury,

And made it to the tops of the stones in a hurry.

There was also a mouse who lived on the White Cliffs of Dover,

When he heard there was cheese, he scurried over.

The most political mouse of the bunch,

Was the mouse who lived on the steps of Downing Street,

(Except he was always out for lunch !).

His promises to make the price of cheese cheap …

Made all the mice fall about in a heap !

He won so many votes, he was still counting at midnight confusing them with sheep.

The family of mice met up for a chat every week,

And so decided to form a government with a very mousey squeak !



The Mouse – Catcher Quiz

mouse1.jpg 1/ If one mouse could eat 1.2 grams of cheese in one day, how much cheese could 75 mice eat in three weeks ?

mouse1.jpg 2/ If a mouse could run 55 metres in 8 minutes – how far could he run in 8 hours ?

mouse1.jpg 3/ If a mouse could carry three lumps of cheese in one journey, how may trips did he have to make to carry 300 ?

mouse1.jpg 4/ If a mouse could eat 2 grams of cheese in one meal, eating three meals a day, how much did he have left from a 3 kilogram block of cheese after three weeks ?

mouse1.jpg 5/ If a mouse picked up 15 crumbs in one afternoon, how long did it take him to pick up 1500 crumbs ?



mouse1.jpg Step 1 – Cut out the shapes of mice in paper and number them one to one hundred.

mouse1.jpg Step 2 – On the floor, in chalk, mark 8 large circles labelled with the mathematical symbols – multiplication, division, fraction, addition, subtraction, ratio, decimal point and percentage.

mouse1.jpg Step 3 – Share the numbered mice equally between players.

mouse1.jpg Step 4 – READY ! SET ! GO ! Players blow the paper mice (or flap with newspaper if there are health problems) into the 8 circles.

mouse1.jpg Step 5 – Once all mice are “trapped”, the players take it in turns to pick up two numbers randomly from the moustrap and answer the question.

mouse1.jpg Step 6 – The winner is the player who answers most maths questions right, when checked by the umpire with a calculator. 

1/ 1.2 x 75 x 21 =
2/ (8 x 60 / 8 = 60) x 55 = 3 300
3/ 300 / 3 = 100
4/ 3000 – (2 x 3 x 21) = 2874
5/ 1500 / 15 = 100 afternoons

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