The Christmas That Santa Stayed At Home


Everyone assumed that the year Santa stayed at home would be boring, spending all Christmas watching Santa snoring. As usual, everyone in the grotto would probably spend all day watching the televison though it had been a while since Redbreaster United had been scoring ! But actually Christmas turned out to wrip – roaring ! Shortly before the festivities were due to begin, Santa sat shivering so much, it made a real noisy din ! His false teeth in their glass chattered so much, that the glass in the windows shattered in just one touch ! Through the hole in the roof, snowflakes appeared and landed upon his beard. The chimney would soon cave in, Santa feared !

Although Santa jumped up and down to keep warm, icicles on his nose started to form. As the temperature fell, so did Santa’s trousers as well (it was probably his unsteadiness, but no – one could tell). The curtains fluttered as Santa shook. The stocking fell down off the fireplace hook. Even all of the Christmas cards became unstuck. So as you can see, Santa’s restful holiday was hardly a quiet – at – home Christmas, reading a book ! He looked almost as though he had ben drinking … all of this wobbling got Santa thinking. As Santa poured himself another glass of sherry, Christmas gradually become more merry. Maybe it was his spectacles that didn’t focus that well – but the room did appear to be sinking, though at least this ensured the enormity of his problem was shrinking !.

The candlelight wavering, got Santa quavering … very soon even the mince pie wobbled that he was savouring ! All of this incredible shaking made it seem like the whole world was quaking ! In the garden shed, outside, even the sleepy dormouse and squirrel in the oak tree were awaking. Santa’s wriggling meant all the baubles on the Christmas tree were jiggling – all of the commotion got the Christmas fairy giggling ! As Santa sat down by the fireplace to rest for a while, an icy cold wind blew from the West, Antarctic – style. As the door burst open, with a chilly blast, Gerome the gnome cried out, “Quick, make sure the heating gets turned up fast !”. Mrs. Christmas had tried to ensure that all the bills were paid and the pipes were fixed, but somehow all the jobs that she had to do got mixed. So, in fact, nothing around the house got done … though this year, Santa stayed at home, instead of skirting off around the globe, always on the run.

Every year that Santa became a little older, so each Winter, the weather seemed to be getting much colder. He shivered more and more, as he wrapped another blanket around his shoulder. Santa wondered if there would ever be an end to this thunderstorm (or, indeed, if the weather would ever again turn warm !). When he looked at the clock, it was Midnight, so Santa lazily transformed the settee in the lounge into his dorm.

Luckily, his settee had lots of cushions – Santa’s armchair was very comfortable seating. Despite of all this fireside insulation, Santa still didn’t have enough money to turn up the heating ! “Bbbrrr !”, he moaned in exasperation. “Shut that door !”, rather than “Merry Christmas” was the exclamation ! when Frosty the Snowman came in from outside, and the wind blew the door open wide. Santa was so cold that he couldn’t read the pages of his newspaper – his hands were shivering so much and went to check the heating – there were still a number of crossword clues left that needed completing ! As he glanced through the crack in the curtains, the weather outside a still snowing and sleeting.

Outside, the snow was fast becoming much deeper (Santa only hoped the price of fuel would possibly become much cheaper !). Soon, they’d have to dig their way out – “Help !”, Santa cried to the passers – by roundabout to come and pull them out. But no – one heard their cries, the snow as so thick. At the end of the garden path, only the top of the chimney could be seen, and in the woodland forest, only the tallest evergreen ! Despite the frost, all was not lost ! Santa mailed an SOS to town in the post. A kind engineer came straight away and said he’d soon get the grotto cosy, for Christmas Day. It took a while, but he mended the dial. A bang with his hammer and a turn the odd screw … soon Santa’s broken radiator was working much greater – and the oven was cooking delicious treats, too. Of course, Santa wouldn’t have had this problem at all, he recalled, if he’d had *** fireplace installed !

© Jacqueline Richards 2008


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