The Year That Rudolph Needed A *** Crane To Help His Christmas Strain

Have you ever wondered how Santa managed to be so high ? The answer is simply, by magic sleigh, though there are a million and one other ways to fly through the sky.

One particular Christmas (around mid – 1950, I think) the sleigh wasn’t at all that shifty … nor was Rudolph that nifty, after three million glasses of shery to drink.

When Santa paused at the traffic lights he became rather fascinated by the stars, (which strongly resembled Christmas tree lights) – so he knew he was on course for Mars.

Of course everyone knows that in snow is not the best place to stop. Rightly so. When Santa tried to set off again, he found his sleigh was driving rather slow. The evening shade was getting dimmer and Santa after one thousand and one Christmas dinners, no slimmer. Despite twisting and turning, Christmas dancing was something Santa was still learning. He only wished they’d had breakfast that morning ! Other than the snowman, Rudolph was coldest of all  – his teeth chattered so much, Mrs. Chrismtas thought it was the letterbox opening in the hall !

After a minute or two, stuck in one spot, around the sleigh, the snow rose two inches higher – Santa called to Gerome to see if he had a shovel or not. Although everyone digged as fast as they could, the snow kept on falling faster … even a tractor was no good in the mud. In such a storm, they would never make it to the other side of the everglade wood.

The Christmas fairy wondered if the rope they used to tie up the presents on the sleigh was tight enough to take the strain. Perhaps, even better they could find a crane. Would they ever catch up (it was already 24th December) … surely this Christmas would be one to remember ! The fairy pulled and Gerome the gnome gave a push – this was so unlucky, on the night that they needed to rush ! So many shoves, he was glad he’d brought his gloves ! But still the sleigh wouldn’t move, stuck in a groove, he could just see the chimney on top of the roof. Settling down for the evening by the camp fire, Santa handed Rudolph a carrot and tied his collar to a fence made from wire. The explorers were just settling down rolling over in a make shift bed, when in roared an enormous vehicle, leaving a cloud of dust overhead, ahead. “At last ! Rescue !” (they were in luck), Santa exclaimed in glee … now they’d get a ride instead (Santa hoped for free no fee !).

As their spirits started to lift, inch by inch, the sleigh started to shift. He raised a glass of sherry in good cheer “Merry Christmas everyone !”, then he quickly realised, he was on the run. The crane had caught Santa in his britches … as well as one or two parcels filled with seasonal riches. Twenty feet off the ground, the entire sleigh started to spin around. In Santa’s pocket was a small hole, well, a needle and thread aren’t easy to find in the North Pole. There really was no other Christmas to match it – out fell a gold coin … and everyone tried to catch it. Although Santa was fortunate to to be pulled out of this sticky patch … what the gnomes loved best was a championship *** cricket match.Rudolph held on as hard as he could, as the *** crane moved over the hill, it gave them all a nudge !

How could Santa let his memory slip ! If only Santa had remembered to order a *** skip ! (then he could have easily stored all his presents in one – but using the *** crane to deliver presents was really so much fun.

© Jacqueline Richards 2009

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